Now that we have touched on honesty and how that relates to something like spending $200 on a purse, this takes us straight to the topic of FINANCES!! One of our favorite topics…Not!! Finances should be on our self-analysis list. You should be financially responsible and this should be one of your requirements in a prospective spouse.

Do you budget your money wisely? Money problems are one of the top causes of divorce, even longtime friendships can come to a devastating end over money. A marriage ending over money is even more devastating, and certainly more costly.

Financially responsible doesn’t mean that either of you have to be millionaires before you get married. It doesn’t mean you have to have $50,000, $60,000 or one hundred thousand dollars in the bank, but what it does mean is that you both have a proper view of financial responsibility.

Ask yourself this question, if my utility bill is two hundred dollars and I only have one hundred and fifty dollars, do I pay the one hundred and fifty dollars and arrange to pay the remainder at a later date, or do I say, “well, I don’t have the two hundred dollars, so I might as well buy a new outfit or tickets to a sporting event”? Are you the person who spends your money on your wants, and then borrow from others to pay for your needs? These are serious questions that demand serious and truthful answers.

Are you dating a person who is borrowing from you on a regular basis? If so, RED FLAG ALERT!! Someone isn’t budgeting money wisely. You have to take off the rose colored glasses and see things for what they are before you say “I DO”. You must be on the same page when it comes to finances. You don’t have to be rich, but you both need to be wise money managers.

There is nothing romantic about one spouse losing sleep at night trying to figure out how to make the mortgage payment while the other spouse has a secondary address on Shopping Mall Drive, going from store to store saying, CHARGE!!

Being a wise steward of your finances, being honest and trustworthy, allows a person’s heart to safely trust and love you.  This brings up another important question that you should ask yourself, are you safe to love?

In a survey I asked several people “what is the number one quality you look for in a prospective spouse?” Honesty and trust were the top two answers. Committed and hardworking weren't far behind. Family oriented was also high on the list as well as a good sense of humor.

Do any of these qualities describe you? Hopefully these qualities made it on your self-analysis list because all of these are needed to build a lasting relationship. If we look at the topic of trust and honesty, we know that these two qualities go hand in hand. Trust and honesty always top the relationship list because they are key ingredients in any relationship.

Trust and honesty is a two way street. Sometimes we forget that it goes both ways. Are you demanding something that you aren't living up to or willing to give?

Women will often complain that “he” wasn't honest about where he was going or what he was doing. Men will complain that “she” spends too much money. The two of you are trying to save or budget for a wedding and two hundred dollars was spent on a purse. A purse that she “claimed” only cost twenty dollars (on sale). These are the things that undermine a relationship before you ever get to the “I Do”.

Honesty and trust come down to letting your yes mean yes and your no, no. If people would practice this many relationship issues wouldn't exist. Dishonesty can cause a relationship to die a painful death.

Are you aware of the red flags of dishonesty? If you repeatedly find yourself saying, “I know you told me this or I know you to me that, or you told me you didn't go there”, and they are always saying, “I never said that”. Look out!! You’re dealing with a liar. You really are.

I’m not talking about the one time miscommunication; I’m talking about a conversation very similar to the above paragraph that happens weekly or monthly. If this sounds all too familiar, you are dealing with a habitual liar. Truth and honesty might be at the top of your list, but it’s not on their list. Move on from this type of person; do not make excuses for them. They are showing you who they really are. Trust your instinct!!

All too often we know what we are getting into before we say “I Do”. It’s like the parable about the old lady who was walking in the snow. She looks down on the ground and sees a snake that is almost frozen to death. She feels sorry for the snake so she picks it up and takes it home with her. She puts it by a warm fire and cares for it. After the snake recovers she attempts to pick it up and it bites her. The woman begins to cry and she says to the snake, “how could you bite me? I brought you into my home, I took care of you?” The snake looks at her and says, “what do you mean, how could I bite you? Lady, you knew I was a snake when you took me in.”

Don’t be that person!! Don’t ignore the signs!! Trust your instincts!!

Let me be clear, I’m going to say it again. Honesty and trust are a two way street. The person lying about how much they spent on something isn't any different than that person saying he’s working late, when really he’s going to hang out at the bar with the guys and watch the game. A lie is a lie, so if you are looking for honesty and trust, make sure you are giving it in return. 

There are so many roads traveled and paths taken to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, but all too often we search aimlessly because we begin our search without a plan or blueprint of what the finished product should look like.

Tall, dark and handsome or the hourglass figure doesn’t provide a firm foundation for a relationship. You may know of someone or been the victim of purchasing a beautiful car that turned out to be the biggest lemon ever. That beautiful car turns into your biggest nightmare ever. By the time it’s all said and done you never want to see it again. If a car can put you through that much pain and misery, how much more so can a person that turns out to be a lemon?

Most people will spend more time with an architect designing a dream home then they will spend trying to figure out what qualities they want in the person they plan to spend the rest of their life with. They will spend months, maybe years deciding what it is they want in the home and no time deciding what they want in a spouse. As crazy as it seems, this happens more often than not.

With that being said, have you begun creating your relationship blueprint? If you haven’t, you need to start now. If you have already designed your blueprint it wouldn't hurt to look over the details again to make sure you have all your priorities in order.

So, before the “I DO” where does one begin? I suggest that you begin with you. Ask yourself what qualities do I bring to a relationship? This is an important question because if you want a person of value and character, you need to be of greater or equal value. The man or woman you want to attract should have the wisdom to see your qualities and recognize your value.

So let’s get back to the question, what qualities of true value do you possess? I would advise that you take paper and pen and write down what those qualities are. You may find out that you have more value than you thought. It’s so important that we get to know ourselves. You might find out that you possess a hidden treasure within yourself, or you might find out that you are a diamond in the rough.  Some of the most precious and finest diamonds were at one point a diamond in the rough. If you have been referred to as a diamond in the rough, don’t take this as an insult take it as a compliment, it lets you know that there is a treasure inside of you. 

You will have to create a plan to develop your untapped potential and qualities. With some nurturing and refining the true you will begin to shine through.  This is why our blueprint starts with ourselves. We've got to know ourselves and what we possess before we can identify it in someone else.